don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
