in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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