drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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