first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
