just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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