Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
