he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize