He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
