her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dignity is for republicans.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
