Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
