Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize