How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
