Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
