I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
