I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize