Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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