How'd it feel making her break her religion?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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