I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
