Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
