They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
