Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
