Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize