well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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