I'm so fucking centered right now
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
