No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize