So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
