The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
