ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im six kinds of drunk right now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize