He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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