'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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