i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
