just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
how drunk are you?
Several
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
