I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
