He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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