Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
