You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
