Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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