When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
