Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
