We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
