I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
