Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
