You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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