stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
