new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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