Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
