I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
