im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Randomize
