Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
