Just took my morning after pill in the library
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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