Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
