Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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