You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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