I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
