So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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