How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
