It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
