she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
