Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
