the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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