I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Panties = found
Randomize
