I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
