I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize