and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
