you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
