Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
