I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
