he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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