everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
