I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
