I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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