What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
