don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How naked do you want me to be?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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