I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
