is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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