i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
