Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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