how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
